Jackass 3D Blows

   I enjoyed the first two Jackass movies. They were raw and featured a bunch of lovable clowns in outlandish and potentially suicidal situations. Remember that dude who took a dump inside a store bathroom in the middle of a showroom? He could've been murdered by the shop owner. Then there was the stunt where Steve-O fell into a pool of alligators. Dumbass could've gotten torn up.

   Anyway, Jackass 3D features the gang in another series of stunts. I laughed out loud at about 3 of them. The other stunts were just dumb, slaphappy, and literally shitty. There's also one stunt where Steve-O vomits about a pound of the contents of his stomach after drinking a real vile concoction. The opening sequence is a beautifully produced slow-motion affair where Bam, Knoxille, and the rest of the lot are smacked, smashed, kicked in the face, shot (paintball) and brutalized in sadistic fashion. Here are the three that I laughed out loud at:

1) High Five - the one where Bam gets smacked in the face with a big hand prop that's unleashed by Knoxville. To add to the hilarity, a bag of flour is attached to the hand which explodes in Bam's face. There's two other "high-fives" before Bam's but I laughed out loud at his smacking.

2) The bar fight scene where Wee-Man and his wee date are confronted by another wee man. A whole cast of little people then join in including brawlers, dwarf cops, and little paramedics. The look on the faces of some of the patrons in the bar... priceless. Check out the lady bartender who's probably seen everything under the sun holding her hands to her mouth in utter shock.

3) Pin the Tail on the Donkey - a dude has to gingerly approach a donkey and pin the "tail" on the animal but he gets kicked every time he gets too close. In the first kick, the donkey hits his thigh but in the second kick, he gets smashed right in the family jewels.

   The rest of the movie didn't make me laugh. I may have smiled but I got bored after a while. The bee tetherball was cruel because all the bees who stung those jackasses died when their stingers were ripped from their abdomens. Movie-goers can also look forward to farting action, porta-potty hijinx, a projectile-shit eruption scene, flying dildoes, a swinging-dick baseball scene (not as graphic as the Bruno movie though), and a scene involving a hungry pig and a fat dude on all-fours. Use your imagination to figure out what the pig does. Old-ass Johnny when he's in the wheelchair is sort of funny. J-Sonoma Rating: 5/10.